Humour at Home: How Cheesy can Cheese be!

Dr. Priyamita tells us about a situational problem in a vegetarian household, after marriage. Laced with wit and humour, we see her trying to explain ‘cheese’ to the cook. An exclusive for Different Truths.

This happened within the first week of my marriage. I am a Bengali girl married into a Marwari Jain family[i].

We have a cook named Jagdish, who cooks for all of us. Frankly speaking, I was so happy (read, ecstatic) that I don’t have to cook (as my culinary skills are nothing to write home about) that I ate whatever was cooked daily. I never complained, especially because my non-veg cravings were satisfied whenever I went out for dinner.

Habituated to having nonveg food twice daily, my only problem was that I couldn’t differentiate between the green vegetables. Can any Bong differentiate Toru and Lauki, I mean? Really? They taste the same! But I didn’t let any of these traits interfere with my marriage.

Desi Ghee Parathas

Like most Bengalis, my digestive system is not the strongest. I lived with my in-laws and for the first few days, I had the usual breakfast consisting of hot parathas made in desi ghee with achaar (pickles) followed by steaming hot tea.

After a few days, my digestive juices started vehemently opposing this arrangement. I decided to make a cheese sandwich for myself. And eat it every morning before leaving for work.

When Jagdish was going to the nearby store to buy some groceries, I asked him, “Jagdish bhhaiya, mere liye thoda cheese leke aaoge?”

“Cheez?” He replied gruffly, “Kya cheez?”

“Nahi, cheese…matlab khaane-wala cheese.” I stuttered.

“Huh?” He looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. “Khaane ka samaan hi toh lane jaa raha hu. Lekin kya cheez chahiye, yeh toh bataiyye…”

“Arrey, cheese…cheese…woh jo bread ke saath khaata hai…woh cheese” For some reason I started using hand gestures, which only irked him more.

“Arrey… tab se aap cheez cheez karti jaa rahi hai… cheez ka kya naam hai?”

“Amul ka cheese.” I said triumphantly (silently admiring my intelligence).

“Amul ka kaunsa cheez?  Doodh…Makkhan?”

Got the Cheese

Exasperated, I surrendered and went downstairs to get the cheese myself. My husband later told me that nobody ever had cheese in their household (Go figure!). Hence, it was not entirely Jagdish’s fault that he had never heard of this exotic gourmet item before.

I remember him examining the cheese with wide-eyed wonder! And asking me questions like, “Is it like paneer? Can it be used in cooking instead of ghee?” And so on…

After a few weeks, he warmed up to this new addition in the kitchen. And even took some cheese for his kids when he went to his village that winter.

Visuals by Different Truths

[i]https://www.differenttruths.com/lifestyle/my-big-fat-wedding/