Fun with Sun Signs: Female Edition

Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs made an indelible impact on Ruchira’s psyche and still serves as a Gospel to her when observing traits and attitudes in light-hearted banter – exclusively for Different Truths.

This is intended to be light-hearted banter. Therefore, any resemblance to individuals, dead or living, is purely coincidental.

During my college days, in the late 80s, I read Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs, which was hugely popular and one of the bestsellers. Though the findings were empirical and generalised, while browsing, I discovered uncanny links between what was described and the characteristics of the people I knew in real life. The book made an indelible impact on my psyche. Even today, it serves as a Gospel to me in terms of observing traits and attitudes and studying the behaviour and thought processes of humans around me. And trust me, it works! As of now, I intend to share my views and experiences with female members of each sign. 

Aries women, the first sign of the zodiac, are educated and knowledgeable but extremely dominating, bordering on dictatorship. And they must be heard! Open your mouth when an Arian woman is present and see how deluges, cloudbursts, torrents, and tsunamis of knowledge and information sweep you off your feet. Yes, these Ms-know-all are downright self-centred and think of nothing but themselves.     

I consider Taurus women highly offensive. They are bullish, boorish in their attitude and behaviour, and lack social graces, good manners, and etiquette. Adamant, go-getters parexcellence, they are successful career women. Do you think you’re looking for a good PR person? A Taurean will fit the bill perfectly. Equipped with a hyperactive imagination, a sharp brain and, most importantly, the art of fibbing, they can quickly wrap the prospective clients around their pinky fingers and manipulate them to the hilt. Often, they become femmes fatales who ruin the lives of the men folk. Within my innermost circles were murky incidents wherein Taurean women (coincidence?) applied the vini vidi vici principle to a Tee. They met and fell in love with married men (who were Dads already), led them astray, and finally compelled them to desert the hapless wives and kids! At workplaces, too, I accosted crafty Taurean females who were virtually visha kumbham payomukham (urn of poison topped with creamy milk). It was their cup of tea: they wormed out secrets from their colleagues and transmitted them to the top bosses. They had no qualms about getting their colleagues into solid trouble with the authorities.

The next sign on the list is Gemini, to which Yours Truly also belongs. Based on my life experiences, I can vouchsafe that ours is the most misunderstood sign. The restless, mercurial temperament is misconstrued as chaotic, unruly and disorderliness. The bluntness of speech and loquacious nature, coupled with a short fuse, makes us unladylike. Creativity, unbounded energy and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and adventure are grossly overlooked. Several species (June-born) members are meticulous, organised, and homely. They turn out to be excellent wives, moms, and homemakers.

Cancerian women are erudite soft-spoken with a religious (read spiritual) bent of mind. Mainly introverted, their emotions are muted, but they are incredibly warm-hearted. I am proud of two such pals who have known me for donkey’s ears. 

Leonine women love to take decisions independently and lead from the front. However, they are not as overbearing as Arian women. Most importantly, they are fiercely loyal and devoted in interpersonal relationships.

Virgo women are the best and most attractive in the zodiac arena. And they accentuate their looks, appearance, et al. by focusing intensely on apparel, accessories, cosmetics, footwear and more. While they are generally coy and law dee daw, a few individuals tend to be coquettish. This good-looking aunt of mine was notorious for splurging on grooming and dressing impeccably. She maintained this till the day she breathed her last. Some of them can act niggardly in terms of expenditure if they want to, that is. My late mom-in-law was miserly… but that’s another story.

Libra women are a lovable lot. They epitomise a harmonious blend of beauty with brains. Be it science, medicine, performing arts or the tinsel world, women of this sign excel themselves. Closer home, two of my friends are superb singers, a cousin is a doctor, while another is an artist of some repute. 

Scorpio is one of my favourite zodiac signs. Lifelong, I have found female Scorpios are intelligent and vivacious with oodles of sparkling humour. In addition, they tend to be loving, affectionate and respectful — an excellent package of elements for an ideal baby sister.

Sagittarius is a significant one, though. Women of this category are the most philosophical and intellectual, while their sisters pale. They are fond of all life’s good things – food, music, travel, poetry, and literature – and usually enjoy life to the hilt. Known for their gift of gab, they are the life and soul of social gatherings!   

Capricorn women are the best of the lot. There is always an aura of cheerfulness, positivity, and sunshine about them. Mainly excellent/ pleasant looking, intelligent, and well-mannered, they are ardent music lovers if not proficient in it. 

Women from the Aquarius are good people, but you’ve heard it right, dull. They don’t mean to be, but their ideas or stock for fruitful lively conversations appears to be extremely limited. Rinki], a cousin of mine, used to be a steady house guest during the summer holidays. She was not at all communicative and confined herself to reading or watching television, talking only to fulfil her basic daily needs. I would heave a sigh of relief once she departed. Five years ago, I met up with a long-lost college batchmate of mine. Within half an hour, the conversation was over. We sat facing each other — in pin-drop silence. I had to rack my brains to dish up new topics for further discussion! 

The last sign of the zodiac, the Pisces women are lively, vibrant and easy to have a good relationship with. They are helpful and cooperative, but their frisky nature and constant frivolities get on your nerves, especially if you are neck-deep at work or have deadlines.

Picture design by Anumita Roy