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Society and people do not come with an update button, rues Enakshi. She finds that women cannot accept the concept of househusbands. An exclusive for Different Truths.
One of the proverbs that has stayed with me all these years is that if we were meant to stay in one place, we would have had roots instead of legs. Knowing that change is the only constant, it is incontrovertible to say that we need to keep pace with the ever-evolving world. But sadly, some components of this tenable system do not come with an ‘update’ button. The society in which we live is one such component!
Each society has its defined set of norms or invisible boundaries that forbid its members from updating their mindset and thinking freely. But does that actually work in real life? No, it doesn’t. The societies do not come with an update button.
In simple terms, a society is just an aggregation of people that live in a community. Different segments of people belong to different societies. Each society has its defined set of norms or invisible boundaries that forbid its members from updating their mindset and thinking freely. But does that actually work in real life? No, it doesn’t. The societies do not come with an update button. Over time, even when the notions become toxic, societies continue to haunt the real existence of individuals. Individually, we all might be evolving and striving to become more tolerable and open-minded but when a part of the society, we blend with the crowd and follow the blind alleyway.
Just the other day, when I had sat down for the tea break at my workplace, I became a part of a conversation that proved what I said above right. Upon being asked about my plan for the weekend, I explained that I had to visit one of my friends.
‘He works whole day- taking care of the kid, managing household chores, cooking food, doing laundry and whatnot. That’s too much work already, isn’t it?’
‘So, is this friend of yours married?’ enquired my colleague.
‘Yes, she is. In fact, she works in one of the leading MNCs and travels a lot.’ I explained sounding excited.
‘That must be so because she must not be having any kids, isn’t it?’ my colleague demurred.
‘Of course, she has a kid. That’s stereotypical thinking. Do you think that mothers cannot be efficient employees?’ I asked.
‘Yes, it’s not possible to take up so many roles.’
‘I agree with you on that. One cannot take up so many roles. Hence, her husband takes care of her baby and the household.’
‘Then when does he work?’ My statement had caught her off guard.
‘He works whole day- taking care of the kid, managing household chores, cooking food, doing laundry and whatnot. That’s too much work already, isn’t it?’
‘No, I mean when does he earn?’ she probed.
‘Shweta, my friend, earns enough for the three of them. And that’s why Alok helps her by being the house husband.’
Quite sure that my colleague was offended by my use of the term ‘househusband’, I decided to hold my tongue and not engage in a battle of wills.
‘Who becomes a househusband? This is not even a proper job. This is just an excuse to be lazy and not work. I am surprised at how your friend manages with such a no-good husband.’
But that woman wasn’t ready to give up so easily.
‘Who becomes a househusband? This is not even a proper job. This is just an excuse to be lazy and not work. I am surprised at how your friend manages with such a no-good husband.’ She finished in one breath.
‘She manages quite well. I am surprised at how shallow you think. In fact, I have met puddles deeper than you!’
Needless to say, she didn’t understand the second half of my statement. But she went on and on about how the society doesn’t accept men of this calibre and how the same society looks down upon the women who are the breadwinners for their family.
‘Things are changing and so should you. It is not the same world anymore. We all do make changes in our life based on our need and requirement. That doesn’t mean we are compromising the conduct of society.’ I argued.
‘I don’t understand you, youngsters! You all sound so foolish. People of our generation had established certain rules for a reason. You all are hellbent on breaking those rules.’
‘I don’t understand you, youngsters! You all sound so foolish. People of our 
generation had established certain rules for a reason. You all are hellbent on breaking those rules.’
This blew my gasket and I lost it.
‘Which rules are you talking about? The rules that forbade a widow but allowed a widower to move on happily? The rule that forbade the girls to work till late but allowed the boys to tease every other woman? All these rules are subjective. They can be changed. How many rules does your generation follow?’ I rejoined.
‘We follow all the rules…’ I cut her short even before she could finish.
‘I don’t think so. If you say you follow all rules, then why aren’t you behind the veil? The Islamic Society follows female seclusion- purdah system. Do you follow that?’
I wouldn’t lie but I could hear the invisible claps around me. I felt I had just been a part of mic drop event. Although I was impressed by my performance, I was forced to think about this debilitating problem.
I wouldn’t lie but I could hear the invisible claps around me. I felt I had just been a part of mic drop event. Although I was impressed by my performance, I was forced to think about this debilitating problem. Society was formed by us. If we find it so difficult to accept the happiness of others, how can we expect others to understand our reasons for real happiness?
The scenarios are changing rapidly- women have started recognizing the value of their voice and have started demanding equal rights as well. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. The intransigency is something that is like rust. It has formed a layer on the mind and doesn’t allow the mind to think freely. I realised there are more serious and deeper issues that need our attention than squabbling about househusbands!
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