An Open Letter to my Best Friend: It’s Okay to Feel Empty and Hollow

Shivani reaches out to her best friend, with love and compassion, in a time of distress. An exclusive for Different Truths.

My dear Bestie,

Empty hearts, empty minds, emptiness, what does nothing feel like? What does it feel to feel hollow, how does that work? So much chaos within, as though a tornado of words and emotions has hit you. Why is that foolish brain, running after nothing more than a source or a sense of happiness being there, but not there. Like the sky is endless. It is there but also not there. It looks like nothing but an infinite blue without the clouds floating around it. Things are deeper than you think, they are also, maybe better than you feel, because feeling all this is okay.

There is nothing called as a valid emotion, nothing as an invalid feeling to describe, nothing is irrelevant in you because whatever you feel maybe different from what others do. Maybe they don’t  feel what you feel. They don’t know what to say, but I want to say this to you, it’s okay to feel so.

There is nothing called as a valid emotion, nothing as an invalid feeling to describe, nothing is irrelevant in you because whatever you feel maybe different from what others do. Maybe they don’t  feel what you feel. They don’t know what to say, but I want to say this to you, it’s okay to feel so. And I am so sure this must be so hard. I know by the voice and the vibe of it but I also know you will come back and face things boldly. You will grow stronger out of it. More confident than you think. Talking about things that you yourself do not know how to act upon is not a weakness, it is the biggest strength that you are yet to develop.

Now, all of you might be thinking, who am I referring to. All those who are in a dark place right now also. I am referring to one of my best friends, who was feeling all of this and it was really hard for her to describe it. But, she was a little too hesitant, yet she did it. I am so proud of her. She is an extremely strong person and I know it. Somewhere deep down inside, she knows too. I am glad. And it leaves me with such a sense of satisfaction that I made her feel better when she needed it the most.

We are all made as different individuals and our heads and bodies take things differently. So respect the fact that someone is showing you their emotional side, a facet no one has witnessed before. Many sides of all the emotions. And I love it when people do that. Like yes, just show me all that you are. I will listen. I will understand. I want see you raw — whatever you are under those happy smiles and sad eyes. Whatever you are under all your anger and frustration.

I will obviously not mention her name but if you’re reading this, please understand that all of us have so few people in our lives to open up to, be someone’s closest, be kind, listen, don’t interrupt with statements like, “you’re just overreacting” or “why are you so overemotional ?” Don’t say, “listen I really can’t understand what you’re trying to say, I think its just mood swings”. Never say that. Instead empathaise. Put yourself in their shoes. Try to understand their emotions and everything they feel is okay. We are all made as different individuals and our heads and bodies take things differently. So respect the fact that someone is showing you their emotional side, a facet no one has witnessed before. Many sides of all the emotions. And I love it when people do that. Like yes, just show me all that you are. I will listen. I will understand. I want see you raw — whatever you are under those happy smiles and sad eyes. Whatever you are under all your anger and frustration.

So this is for all those who are feeling empty. Or maybe lost or purposeless. It’s okay to feel everything that you’re feeling. Some people just don’t have the courage to feel certain emotions. They depend on the alcohol or any other kinds of substance abuse, something that numbs them. But, in that case, the feeling never goes away. It is never out. It is somewhere submerged deep within yourself, which, in turn, makes you feel so very empty. Or maybe so very ‘done’ as we say it. And if any of you feel that, that down the line and all the chaos, you have lost yourself. This one is for you:

You are still there,
You are never gonna leave a situation like that because
You are not going to be consumed by it,
You are just hidden under a lot of emotions,
A lot of disappointments, raw feelings,
Maybe some unresolved hurts, busyness,
Cracking expectations, worthlessness within,
Tags and assumptions of others for you,
You are scared, too scared to show up,
Your awful self-critical self howls from within,
But you have nowhere to go or that is so what you feel,
And all we do is go through such feelings,
One by one, everyone,
Maybe you are, right now too and
All of these emotions do not seem to just go away,
Like if you want them to but you can’t because
All you do is lie down and think it all over and over,
And you were struggling since a long time but went unnoticed,
I know, how it all goes and comes back around,
I know there is a deep sphere of emotion within
That just can not seem to be filled with anything
Other than hopelessness,
But you know what, we are all here,
Going through things and healing,
We are all tied to the same hands, being puppets to
The power of this universe,
We will never know the future, if we would have,
We could have not fallen as hard, but there are people to
Bring you back, to pull you, to hold you when you need it.

So this is for all those who are feeling empty. Or maybe lost or purposeless. It’s okay to feel everything that you’re feeling. Some people just don’t have the courage to feel certain emotions. They depend on the alcohol or any other kinds of substance abuse, something that numbs them. But, in that case, the feeling never goes away. It is never out. It is somewhere submerged deep within yourself, which, in turn, makes you feel so very empty.

Self talks are something that can resolve things a lot faster. It reminds you how far you’ve come. How you are becoming a more significant self within. And I guess, we are all running the same race, some back out and also go unnoticed. Please don’t. We are all here. We will always be. Don’t give up. There is so much to see. So much to do. So much better and apart from what you feel is true. And the day you come back, you will look back and realise how far you have come. How beautiful it will be to see your chaos calm down, like something after a huge storm. All calm and still. How beautiful would it be to know that we have helped in holding someone up.

So all the best. All I can now say is you are everything that you have made yourself: stronger and braver. You have come till here. And you will surely be able to cross endless paths and also, to all of you, you matter. You are loved. Cared for. A significant body. You have a soul. You are enough. No one should be able to define you by how much you did wrong, while in the wrong mental shape. It’s okay. Everything is not fine, but it will be very soon; as soon as you start to love yourself as much as people around do. Or maybe even more. You did not drown. You have so far survived so much. You will continue to until the end of time.

I am sorry if anyone made you feel as though you were hard to be understood and hard to be loved. Lastly, remember all the nights when you would bury your head down in your knees so that no one sees you while you cry. Remember you’ve grown stronger and come far from there.

I am sorry if anyone made you feel as though you were hard to be understood and hard to be loved. Lastly, remember all the nights when you would bury your head down in your knees so that no one sees you while you cry. Remember you’ve grown stronger and come far from there. When your head hits your pillow tonight, remind yourself that you are alright. You are doing a great job. Be patient with yourself. And remember that big things aren’t achieved all at once, but one day at a time. PEACE!

With you always,

Your Loving Friend

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