Slipping through Fingers

Rupa shares her pre surgery experiences, in the US, where she lives. An exclusive for Different Truths.

Fluctuating anxiety ebbs through the body, and an overall calmness of sorts descends to give a peculiar perspective.

 I leave behind tumultuous memories of invasive cold machines, sometimes with gel on the probe, in air-conditioned confines of curtained room equipped with contraptions. Crisply dressed technician, occasionally indifferent professional, sometimes smiling friendlies greet with familiarity. Elevator music plays in the background, while I lay on the leather chaise covered with disposable sheet.

 I leave behind tumultuous memories of invasive cold machines, sometimes with gel on the probe, in air-conditioned confines of curtained room equipped with contraptions.

Machines whirr, images are captured, while I hold deep or shallow breath, or breathe normal, which is more abnormal. Inserting of gel slathered probe causes burning sensation, discomfort and a sense of inadequacy, as I try to be helpfully compliant. Having consumed 24 Oz water to hold a full bladder for different, clear view is no picnic. To be able to attend to nature’s call after it is over is oh so truly blissful!

A few days later, I am told MRI found CT scan’s pancreatic mass to be “fatty infiltration” needing no surgery, (hence lesser hospitalisation, lesser risks without procedure and quicker recovery).  I cannot be but immensely grateful for it. Reveling in the news of release from pancreatic surgery complications, my sweet friend Saras, who accompanied me and I visited the Sai temple, offered archana. Partook with much relish of prasadam devotees brought. It all tasted just so much more delicious. The day was shining brighter.

I await surgery dates to be scheduled and to finalise whether to bid adieu to the gall bladder along with the pending hysterectomy.

I await surgery dates to be scheduled and to finalise whether to bid adieu to the gall bladder along with the pending hysterectomy. After talking to a few medical experts the thinking now vacillates between two options,“To or not-to”

Follow surgeon’s suggestion to remove the gall bladder (GB) to avoid future problems, since they are laparoscopically already in and I am already under anesthesia for hysterectomy? It adds surgery time as there will be another set of specialists and then the additional anesthesia, longer time under its effects, so there is a risk of surgery, recovery etc.

School of conservative thinking says, leave alone till GB stones bother you and then to get it done as needed. There is a possibility GB stones may remain dormant for rest of one’s life -with luck that may be the case too. It was after all an incidental finding not due to any pain or discomfort.

In the meanwhile, husband’s nagging discomfort led to findings of polycystic kidneys (PCK) and polycystic liver (PCL).

In the meanwhile, husband’s nagging discomfort led to findings of polycystic kidneys (PCK) and polycystic liver (PCL). It’s like I just about surfaced for air and here I’m going under water again. 

Being the avid Googler that I am, I looked up information, why’s, how’s, what’s of it, and support groups to go to for the same. Doctors will go over reports to come up with a strategy to address PCK and PCL..

Living a physically blessed life, these terms, concerns are unheard of bodily complications. It takes a few to come knocking to realise how fragile things are.

Living a physically blessed life, these terms, concerns are unheard of bodily complications. It takes a few to come knocking to realise how fragile things are. Yet so much is taken for granted because life appears invincible.

I grit my teeth to live a full life with my loved ones and time like sand is slipping through fingers. I intend to make the most of every moment of life, as I know it. 

Photos sourced by the author from the Internet