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Enakshi critiques feminism in a conversation with her husband and family friends. An exclusive for Different Truths.
Last week, my husband and I got involved in a debate with some of our friends over the telephone. The debate was about the increasing exploitation of the special rights that are being given to the women under the garb of ‘feminism’. While the men in the conversation thought that the movement should rather be renamed as ‘Gender Equality’, the women thought otherwise. What followed was a passive-aggressive session of brainstorming that led me to realise something very functional. I realised how important it is to make your voice heard. I understood the importance of courage and will-power. I also understood how important it is to listen to others and allow them to make their point, for everyone has their reasons and sometimes, those reasons are legitimate.
The argument began because of a video in which a lady proclaimed that she had been denied equal rights because when she asked the shopkeeper to allow the ladies to stand in a separate queue, he denied. How lame was that! Nevertheless, the men in the group began talking about how ‘feminism’ is just a favour that the women seek. It is a pseudonym for ‘reservation’.
The argument began because of a video in which a lady proclaimed that she had been denied equal rights because when she asked the shopkeeper to allow the ladies to stand in a separate queue, he denied. How lame was that! Nevertheless, the men in the group began talking about how ‘feminism’ is just a favour that the women seek. It is a pseudonym for ‘reservation’. Even though at the back of our mind we knew that the men were talking sense without being drunk, our ego took the reigns of our mind and spoke in favour of all the women. The battle of wills went on longer than expected but eventually, all of us reached a consensus. The women agreed that some of our counterparts are definitely exploiting ‘feminism’ and the men agreed that it is not a ‘favour’.
Feminism is demanding equal rights for women on the ground of the equality of sexes. This also implies that women cannot ask for a separate queue at the ticket counter anymore! Well, the misconstrued emancipation has definitely reached another level because several women are under the impression that ‘being yourself’ is one of the concepts that feminism advocates. They believe that wearing no bra, not shaving their legs, not adorning fake eyelashes, staying out till late, wearing short clothes, cheating on their partner — all these make a feminist. What I fail to understand is how these actions are advocating equality of gender. The patriarchal society forbids a woman to raise her voice against any wrong. It considers the woman meek and limits the freedom within the four walls of the house. Feminism is to be strong and ask for what is rightfully yours — whether it is freedom of choice or freedom from discrimination.
Does that mean that women should not expect men to pay the bills or open the door for them? Absolutely! If a man willingly does this, it is fine. But if we consider ourselves to be equal to menfolk, why would we expect them to pay our bills? Yes, this is debatable, for some might argue that men are not being chivalrous if they refrain from respecting women.
Does that mean that women should not expect men to pay the bills or open the door for them? Absolutely! If a man willingly does this, it is fine. But if we consider ourselves to be equal to menfolk, why would we expect them to pay our bills? Yes, this is debatable, for some might argue that men are not being chivalrous if they refrain from respecting women. But I wonder how we are being respectful if we judge men based on whether or not they pull a chair for us!
The men shared several examples during our conversation that made us cringe with regret. It pained our heart to listen to them when they said that because of this movement, every man is categorized as a potential rapist even when he is not guilty. Mixing notions and misconceptions together, women have started a new movement which should ideally be renamed as ‘sympathy card’. Upon asking how is this name applicable, the men cited examples of the double standards of women that are evident whenever the people form a general opinion about the latter. For instance, when Pyaar Ka Punchnama was released, women protested against the generalisation of behaviour shown in the movie. However, when it comes to tagging a man as a molester, the community of womenfolk doesn’t even flinch once. When we generalise male behaviour and say that every man wants sex, we expect the men to be polite and not generalise our behaviour. It didn’t take another moment to mention about the incident that took place in Delhi during which Jasleen Kaur, a pseudo-feminist from Delhi, accused Sarvjeet of molestation. With no proper proof, the man was nabbed and his life was destroyed publicly because he was blamed by a woman. It was definitely unfair and that’s when the menfolk won the argument easily because even we agreed that feminism is being misused.
The second part of the conversation was based on deciding whether or not feminism is a ‘favour’. Well, we cited many examples that proved that feminism was the need of the hour. This movement didn’t begin in the 21st century; it dates back to the 19th century and early 20th century. Hence, it would be wrong to say that this movement doesn’t have a purpose. However, the purpose is to give freedom of choice and eliminate any form of discrimination on the basis of gender. This is definitely not a favour.
The second part of the conversation was based on deciding whether or not feminism is a ‘favour’. Well, we cited many examples that proved that feminism was the need of the hour. This movement didn’t begin in the 21st century; it dates back to the 19th century and early 20th century. Hence, it would be wrong to say that this movement doesn’t have a purpose. However, the purpose is to give freedom of choice and eliminate any form of discrimination on the basis of gender. This is definitely not a favour. Just because women have been given an extra private coach in the metro in New Delhi doesn’t mean that they are being favoured.
‘But they do have access to all other coaches. How is that fair?’ asked my friend.
‘They have access because the entire population of women who travel by metro cannot possibly fit into one single coach. Those who travel alone and are unsafe can opt to travel in the ‘private’ coach. The rest already travel with someone.’ I replied.
‘Women get lesser punishment for the same crimes. How is that fair?’ He asked again.
‘It isn’t. This is not something that we have demanded on the grounds of feminism. This is something that exists and nobody is ready to change it yet.’ His wife replied.
Well, that wasn’t all. My friend’s wife and I went on to explain the need for a feminist movement because of the trying times and more competitive world where surviving is becoming even more difficult. We cited examples of other movements like that of cancer awareness and ALS bucket challenge and how those movements too were misused. They (the men) finally agreed that feminism is not a ‘favour’ but a movement that has taken an unprecedented turn. The argument/ debate ended but the disappointment in both men and women persisted, for there is nothing that we can do to change everyone’s notions about feminism. What we can do is not to exploit and end up being a pseudo-feminist.
Photo from the Internet
