Satjit reviews a compelling book on female sexuality by Dr Amrinder Bajaj, exploring intimacy, pleasure, and societal roles for DifferentTruths.com.

When I was asked to review this book on female sexuality, Closing the Pleasure Gap, by Dr Amrinder Bajaj, my first instinct was to refuse. Will such a title not make a man, i.e., an aam aadmi, feel inadequate? As for females, weren’t they being encouraged to feel shortchanged and demand more? Was this tantamount to declaring a war between the two sexes? What was the good doctor up to? Then I read the tagline, taken from the foreword by Pavan K. Varma – author, diplomat and former Rajya Sabha Member –

‘A scholarly work on a serious subject of utmost importance to both men and women. Especially men’ – words of wisdom written by a man of considerable repute; for men. I was intrigued.

I flipped through the pages, reading a line here, a paragraph there, and was hooked. I read it from cover to cover and emerged ‘enlightened’. Its contents offered so much knowledge. Though there were no derogatory remarks about men who take their pleasure, roll over and snore, leaving their partners unfulfilled and awake, it does emphasise the fact that females too have sexual desires that need to be acknowledged. It teaches women not to be ashamed of such needs and men, who are willing to learn, that pleasure is enhanced when shared. Except for the section on ‘Treatises on Sex’, written by our ancients centuries ago, which describes the nuances of the act with finesse and detail, the book offers little titillation. It is an informative book that both partners should read. Knowledge about female orgasm and how it can be best achieved can open doors to gardens of gratification, hitherto unexplored. As Dr Bajaj mentions in her author’s note,

‘A man who understands a woman’s needs and satisfies her as he would like his own needs to be satisfied is blessed, for he will reap its benefits a hundred times over.’

She further elaborates on such a union with this beautiful poem:
A soaring of passions, like powerful winged birds,
a cataract of pleasure cascading over flesh,
grim, determined pursuits without civilised graces.
The grappling and groping as if battling for life,
like two wild animals in lethal combat.
Faces curiously contorted, as if in pain.
The exquisite torture, the tormenting clasp,
the building of pressures, the straining, the striving,
the rapturous convulsions, the shuddering release,
the uncoiling of tension, the languorous stupor.
A bounty greater than this can nature bestow

An entire section is devoted to sexuality in various phases of life, right from childhood (yes, children too are sexual beings), adolescence, pregnancy, post-delivery, right up to menopause. Self-gratification, adultery, and same-sex relationships have also been covered. Female sexual dysfunction that can range from frigidity to nymphomania has also been discussed. The book also includes an informative chapter on cosmetic gynaecology. (For graphic details, you will have to read the book.) All this is presented in a fun form liberally strewn with stories and anecdotes, not in a didactic format as one would expect from a doctor

It also lays emphasis on the fact that sex is not only about pleasure. Irresponsible sexual behaviour has far-reaching consequences that include sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS, pelvic inflammation that can lead to chronic lower abdomen pain, and complications leading to infertility, decreasing the quality of a woman’s life. Clandestine abortions conducted at dubious centres that a young unmarried girl tends to visit can result in complications that can end her obstetrical career before it begins, besides destroying her sex life.

I end with these sentences from the blurb: ‘With clarity and compassion, the book argues that intimacy blooms when a woman is loved rather than used, her needs are honoured rather than ignored. … the work calls for a society that embraces female sexuality as vital, not shameful.’

‘Even our ancients believed good sex ensured a stable marriage; a stable marriage ensured a stable society; and a stable society sustained a stable kingdom.’ This opening sentence was an eye-opener that sparked curiosity to read further. The far-reaching consequences of incompatibility/compatibility in bed have been well covered and duly emphasised.

Nevertheless, overall compatibility between man and woman – social, sexual or otherwise – also depends on several other aspects like social status, financial and intellectual status, personal tastes and talents, etc., which, understandably, is beyond the scope of this book. The book is indeed a must-read for men and women.

Cover photo sourced by the reviewer

Satjit Singh

Satjit Singh is a retired banker, an avid reader and a freelance writer. His philosophical take on life is reflected in his writings published as middles in newspapers. He finds an amusing story in the mundane and has a rich repertoire of anecdotes from his travels, days as a teacher and a banker. He lives in Gurgaon and keeps his interest in reading and writing alive along with his business interests.