This retrospective by Ruchira explores her life, highlighting childhood ideals, societal challenges, and personal struggles, gratitude for friendships, etc., exclusively for Different Truths.
This is essentially a throwback piece. A slice of my life, to be precise. No aspersions or malice of any kind is intended.
In about three years, I will be stepping into my 60s. I have witnessed so many revolutions of the earth and full moons that I am losing count of them. Having run such long distances, I confess I now feel exhausted, nay fatigued. Nonetheless, it would be worth my while to in retrospect, how life has greeted me in myriad moods.
I am a child of the 60s. The tender years of my infancy and childhood life were good. There was a good deal of idealism and a predominant atmosphere of fraternity and solidarity. Our lives were above the constraints of casteism, regionalism and religious-based differences. As I grew up, these differences began to manifest themselves more strongly and intensity further. The social fabric began to be torn asunder by feuds and factions…the phenomenon continues much to my chagrin and utter disgust.
Coming From the social and human aspects, my life has been a sheer disappointment.
Coming to the social and human aspects, my Life has been a sheer disappointment. Ragging, body shaming, groupism, Ostracization, conspiracies, and petty jealousies galore have been my fate for many years. Add to the list corruption and stiff competition in the spheres of both education and employment.
The fortunate ones who had powerful, high-level contacts were able to achieve premium-quality education, moving on to acquire plum posts in the field of their choice.
No, I am not envious, but it hurts and It hurts badly to discover that despite my hard work, qualifications, and talent, I have been able to garner tiny achievements and success. I would have been happier had I been an ‘achiever’ in the truest sense of the term.
Coteries, malicious gossip, and politics ruled the day.
Moving onto my personal or private life, which has been a bittersweet one, tumultuous with toil and struggle. It has been loaded with domineering uncles, sly, snobbish, hypocritical aunts, and female relatives aplenty. Coteries, malicious gossip, and politics ruled the day. I guess it is—to borrow a Hindi phrase, Ghar ghar ki kahani. However, to quote Shakespeare, “Truth is stranger than fiction.” And I must confess that I am one of a handful of human beings who have faced abuse, violence, deceit, and treacherous behaviour at the hands of their siblings or next of kin. Such mistreatment, my dear friends, proved to be “The unkindest cut of all” (quoting the Bard again)
This is merely the tip of the iceberg. Harrowing experiences and setbacks have continued to dog me lifelong. What else could be the explanation for why I was refused visas three times despite having secured admission to a prestigious university in the US of A and possessing the adequate financial resources required for the purpose? Would you believe that this inconspicuous act of visa refusal snowballed into a crisis? Shortly afterwards, when I planned to undertake a tour of Europe, I was refused visas by the UK and Germany! The American refusal proved to be the black spot!
In terms of relationships, I met with roadblocks. Without divulging details, I would like to reiterate that poet (Lord) Byron’s famous lines, “A man’s love is of a man’s life a thing apart. ’tis a woman’s whole existence” rings so true. Health-wise, too, the stars have not been shining upon me either. Hypothyroidism and osteoarthritis in the lower limbs have plagued me for decades now.
And yet, I am not down and out.
And yet, I am not down and out. No “I fall upon the thorns of life, I bleed…” kind of stuff for me. I have umpteen reasons to be grateful to the Creator, destiny, or fate. I feel I have had more enlightened, progressive, and feminist parents than most. Believe it or not, I have also been lucky so far as friends are concerned. Bonds of love that bloomed in kindergarten have blossomed and persisted lifelong. In thunder, lightning, or rain, they have always been around. Above-average exposure to literature, music, and culture occupies the next rungs. The list ends with an unlimited thirst for travel, knowledge, experiences, and adventures, not forgetting ‘food’ of course. Each of them is a blessing, dear friends.
I am tempted to sign off with a few lines from Tagore, “Ki paaini tari hisaab milate mon mor nohe raaji…bhalobeshechhinu a dhoronire” (I have no desire to compute my losses and gains… all said and done, I have loved life and this beautiful Earth).
Picture design by Anumita Roy
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