Enakshi tells us about unsolicited suggestions in a tongue-in-cheek way. An exclusive for Different Truths. 

It is a well-known fact that unsolicited advice is more about the needs of the giver than the receiver. Still, most people get caught in the web that is spun by the people around. While no one comes to the rescue of the receiver, everyone finds pleasure in opening a can of worms! This unbalanced truth about unsolicited suggestions was understood by my intelligent brain when I had to face the music myself. With several new beginnings and several new decisions on the radar this year, my mind is loaded with words that people around me keep on saying on loop. Right from the suggestions related to my personal life and professional life, these people do not even leave my social life alone.

Just some days back, my not-so-close friend called me up to tell me how imperative it was for me to switch my job at this moment as the current workplace offered a bleak scenario when it came to promotions. I asked her if she was planning on doing the same and surprisingly, she refused, stating that her husband has a well-settled job. Hence, it would not make sense if she changed her job. Taken aback by her admission, I asked her if she had dreamt about my dire-need-to-change-my-job circumstance the previous night. Obviously, she did not get the joke but now the joke was on her, for my mind refused to stop laughing at her vile suggestions. 

Another funny incident took place when I dared to ask my colleague how her little baby was doing. The conversation began with all the plus points of having a child and how this was the right moment for me to embrace motherhood but eventually, the conversation drifted to how small babies can apparently ‘make your life hell’ by their constant crying and nagging. As contradictory as it sounded, it reflected more on how conflicted my advisor really was.

Strange, isn’t it? The people who readily take a step forward in assuring you that their words of wisdom are what you need in a time of crisis, are the same people who change their stance after you have followed their advice and landed yourself in a similar boat as theirs! It isn’t common when people around you question your plans of getting married, pursuing higher studies or planning for a vacation. They suggest alternate routes for reaching the same destination unaware of the fact that you are already on the right path! And when, out of courtesy, you follow what they suggest, the same people come up with new roadblocks that would not have otherwise found their way to your door!

Alas! That is indeed a routine. You cannot run away from such people nor such unsolicited advice. All you can do is listen from one and throw the words out from another (ear, I mean, of course). After so many years of mind boggling survival in an opinionated society, one thing that I have realized is that it is futile to follow what others have to say unless you are convinced that it is good for you. At least when you are convinced, you will not blame others for the mistakes that you make and will be able to take accountability for your choices and actions.

A wise man once said, ‘What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds’. It is true. Each one of us decides and makes mistakes. It is a part of the learning process. The problem lies with the society that neither accepts its members with all their flaws nor with all their perfect qualities!

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Enakshi J

Enakshi is an educator, an author and a traveller. She loves to learn. Her writings have appeared in The Speaking Tree (Times of India), Woman’s Era, Alive, Infitithoughts, SivanaSpirit, Women’s Web, EfictionIndia and Induswomanwriting. She is an eminent book reviewer and she reviews books by Penguin, Rupa and Hachette India. Her stories and poems have been anthologised widely. She conceptualized two books- ‘Unbounded Trajectories’ and ‘Poison Ivy’.