Instead of a soothsayer or fortuneteller, it’s advisable to see a counsellor before marriage, suggests Amanita, a practicing counsellor. An exclusive for Different Truths.
As a practicing counsellor, I am slowly inclined to believe that seeing a counsellor or a psychologist can be a better option than relying on planetary positions before marriage.
Though this will be walking a thin line between expectations and joy a nuptial knot is supposed to breed, both for the counselled and the counsellors, but it might be beneficial in some ways.
While nothing is foolproof in life and situations, people are prone to changes too, what a counsellor can do is give a broad view of what a healthy relationship might look like. Again what all are right in a marriage can fall in a broad spectrum and it is good for the couple to navigate through life to find their own rhythm and what works best for them.
When should a couple, decide to see a counsellor?
These days, usually couples before marriage spend time with each other a lot more than was the norm in the past. So they have the opportunity to be awake and alive to each other’s ways, beliefs, value systems, habits, and behaviour. Not that all of these feature in the pre-wedding periods as factors to consider later on. But it is seen often, they pose to be threats to a healthy relationship.
Though the word “healthy” can have a big purview and it would be wrong to mark something as unhealthy if it does not suit one’s liking; there are certain things that can be called unhealthy for a relationship without mincing words. For instance, domestic violence. Violence in a relationship is unacceptable. So if a couple has seen signs of those before, they can consider that a red flag, that is best to be addressed before.
Would the counsellor advice, to cancel a marriage if he or she thinks that the couple is not the best match?
While the counsellor is equipped with the knowledge of the working of human minds, he or she is not a fortuneteller to know if marriages would work. For who doesn’t know marriages have the capability to fight many odds and thrive. So to profess or advise on the decision should be wrong ideally. At best the couple can be shown pointers to work through their differences if there are any.
Both parties have to keep in mind that at no cost should the joy and spontaneity be robbed off from a relationship. Also, that the key factors that make marriages work are mutual affection and respect besides sex.
Referring to the moral science lessons learnt in the early years of school, being truthful, loyal, understanding, caring works well to sustain any relationship, I have learnt.
But in our complex modern times, with rising rates of break-ups and its adhering complications, a little sharing of knowledge on the workings of the human mind might be helpful.
Ignorance is not always bliss!
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Published by Writers Workshop, Amanita’s first book of poems, was “The Candle in My Dream”, Since then her English poems have been carried in a number of anthologies including Amravati Poetic Prism, Anthology of Women Poets and Women, Wit, Wisdom, Platform, Piker Press, etc. And her Bengali ones in magazines, not just in Kolkata but also in Bangladesh and USA. She is a mental health professional, is married and lives in Kolkata.
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