Do Children Not Loved in Childhood Make Good Parents?

Mani explores what happens to those children who were not loved by their parents. Do they grow up to be good parents? Find out. An exclusive for Different Truths. 

‘The sign of great parenting is not the child’s behaviour, but the parent’s behaviour’. ~ Andy Smithson

Feeling at home is another way of saying be comfortable. A home is a place where one is secure. One is oneself without any inhibitions – unpretentiously. Any person feels fully secure and experiences unconditional love at home.

The question is, does every one of us feel that way about our homes? I don’t think so. Let me elaborate with an example.

I was talking to a friend who told me that he did not believe in my definition of home. When asked why he confessed, he never felt comfortable or loved in his house. His mother was stern and strict, almost like a dictator. I felt sad for this man.

Later in the day, I spoke to this friend’s children. And they echoed the same thought. Their father (my friend) was making them uneasy in their own home!

A Loving Home

I couldn’t believe it. Here was a man who never had a good loving home. Instead of becoming a good father, he failed in providing a loving home to his children.

Sometimes, without awareness, we turn into our parents and inherit all their deficits and flaws. Piquantly, we had hated these traits ourselves. How ironic!

There is no fixed rule of good parenting. It’s not something you can learn in a college or get a degree. Parenting is an evolving art. As such, one’s role as a parent should keep evolving. 

We should rethink parenting. Always remember how we felt like, as children, in a particular situation. Also, what did we want our parents to do? I somehow do this well. Being a woman, I remember things that were considered a flaw. And remembering my childhood helps me come up with creative ideas. It helps me understand my children better. I always give them what they want. Plus, it keeps them safe too.

Stand with the Right

I feel we should always, no matter what, stand with the right. If you believe what the child is asking, make sure that you stand with him. Even if that means you are going against your husband. This small gesture will give the child unmeasurable confidence to be true to his beliefs and thoughts. It will also build a sense of pride in them. And will help them to become better people one day.

Your child will comprehend that he is a part of a home, which is fair in all aspects. He will learn to stand for the right things in his life. And not be scared to voice his opinions ever.

Parents should make a conscious effort to avoid negative statements. Discouraging actions and comparisons of children could be very detrimental to their wellbeing.

Set Parameters

Parents somehow set some parameters. And then want children to fall perfectly into it. When I say parameters, I mean a set of fixed standards for the child. These are:

·         The child should study well

·         Do very well in all their assignments

·         Friends should be a good impact

·         Should not stay out late at night, etc.

Good, if the child does so. Otherwise, the parent might go to the extent of even disowning them. Here I would like to make a mention of the movie, Kya Kehna. In it, Preity Zinta was the darling of the household. A favourite of her father and brothers. But then everything changes, as she commits a mistake (she gets pregnant before marriage).

The question is, is our bond with our children and love for them so fragile! Do not tolerate even a small mistake from a child, no matter how shallow. Why can’t we love and care for our children unconditionally?

A TikTok Profile

Sometimes you come across something so well described that you want to make a mention. I was watching TikTok and came across a profile called @xgilham on that I read the below:

“Often parents don’t make their feelings clear. They assume that their children know of the deep love that they feel for them. Yet when misunderstandings occur, and things are left unsaid, it can lead to needless doubts and insecurities.”

I don’t ever want you to feel insecure. And I want you to remember these words I am telling you now. Because these will always be current and never change:

·         You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me

·         There is nothing I’d rather see you than your smiles and nothing I’d rather hear than your laughter

·         I am proud of who you’ve become and,

·         No matter what happens in your life, I have confidence in your ability to make the right choices

·         I love you more than life itself.

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