Latest posts by Kavita Panyam (see all)
- What is Buddy Parenting? - April 20, 2017
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- Love, Life, and Togetherness - March 30, 2017
When two people meet and sparks fly, it is understood that something might come out of this interaction. Soon when the two profess and commit, a relationship is born. In the initial stages, one person says “I love you” over and over again, while the other partner basks in it and says it just a few times. So why does it happen this way? Why does one profess while other basks in it and when the latter opens up, he/she gets a lukewarm response? What is it that stops the other partner from continuing to shower love on his/her partner? If you think of it, even though the two may be in love with each other, yet there would be insecurity in the relationship. Doubts and reassurances tend to ruin a relationship. But when both partners pull back alternately and choose times to profess their love, it portrays power struggle. Kavita, a practising psychologist, looks into the politics of love, in the weekly column, exclusively for Different Truths.
So much has been written about love and yet it is the hottest topic of discussion since time immemorial. They say love that hurts is not love at all. Some maintain that love is unconditional. So many theories, different voices lend an interesting twist to the most beautiful feeling in the world – love!
When two people meet and sparks fly, it is understood that something might come out of this interaction. Soon when the two profess and commit, a relationship is born. In the initial stages one person says “I love you” over and over again, while the other partner basks in it and says it just a few times. Suddenly, the hesitant partner showers the golden phrase on his/her partner only to see a brief nod, or a smile. This partner feels somewhat rejected and dejected as upon opening up finally, he/she expects a warm reciprocal response.
So why does it happen this way? Why does one profess while other basks in it and when the latter opens up, he/she gets a lukewarm response? What is it that stops the other partner from continuing to shower love on his/her partner? If you think of it, even though the two maybe in love with each other, yet there would be insecurity in the relationship. Doubts and reassurances tend to ruin a relationship. But when both partners pull back alternately and choose times to profess their love, it portrays power struggle. In other words, to test which partner loves more? It is said that one must always marry the one who loves you and not the one whom you love.
Conditions and terms are laid out in bold letters, which can make couples nervous. One wonders, why can’t we just love as we are, why be on guard, why restrict yourself? Let us look at a few cases below to understand this well.
Sharanya (all names changed to conceal identity) was a beautiful doctor and many young men would send her feelers. Coming from a conservative background, she could not bring herself to say ‘yes’ to any of them. She had been warned about guys being frivolous and out just for fun. Guys just wanted to get intimate and ditch girls soon after. A man is said to lose interest in a woman once he has her, etc. When Aakash proposed to Sharanya, she replied with a no without evaluating facts, not giving time to know him. Aakash persisted for some time after which just as he was beginning to resign to his fate, Sharanya approached him with a positive response. By this time Aakash had become wary of her and gave her a lukewarm response. Sharanya’s fear had come true. She would never be able give her heart to a man again. In her heart she could not understand why Aakash was not happy when she had finally broken the shackles and accepted his love?
Love is like a tender plant, it has to be nurtured with care and patience for it to grow. Aditi was married to Akshay since a decade and somehow their marriage had lost its spark. Akshay was busy trying to earn for the family and Aditi was busy running the household. They had little time for each other. Akshay did not want to burden Aditi with his troubles and Aditi felt unloved. One fine day Aditi met Rajesh in a social media site and the two hit it off from day one. Rajesh was also married and lacked love in his marriage. The two became inseparable and their passionate texts and calls went on for some time. Aditi was not very vocal with her feelings initially as guilt and fear encompassed her totally. After a lot of thought when she finally began to express her love verbally, she found that Rajesh had slowly reduced saying them. Doubts flashed in her mind as she mulled over this. So was it right then that married men had love affairs only for physical intimacy? Why had Rajesh curtailed expressing his love for her? Was this love after all?
Power struggles happen in relationships all the time. The urge to find out who loves more can take people to great lengths in testing this. Sometimes it is about releasing and curtailing feelings to watch the anguish on the partners face. This might give a high to some people. If someone is madly in love with his/her partner, a feeling of supremacy comes over and rules their actions. What starts off as a game can end in despair. There is another angle to this. For some people, being in love makes them vulnerable and they might not feel secure with this idea. Expressions of love keep changing intensity as per the situation.
Love is not a game of power struggle. It is a beautiful feeling. But when it is played upon, there is only one way it takes. A downfall! Have you ever faced such a situation? What is your take on this?
Photo from the internet.