How Parents can Unknowingly Destroy their Child’s Self-esteem?

Nikita, our columnist asks, are parents responsible for destroying their child’s self-esteem? Think about the times when you screamed at your toddler for spilling over the milk on the floor or breaking your favourite picture frame. You could have done better. It takes one moment to cool yourself down and clean up the floor but the child can take as long as forever to forget your anger. Instead of reacting with anger, react with empathy. Yelling at them will only destroy their capabilities to become better. Here are ten markers to guide us regarding this issue, in the weekly complaint, exclusively for Different Truths.

Every morning is a chance to shape our children’s future. The way that we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.

Think about the times when you screamed at your toddler for spilling over the milk on the floor or breaking your favourite picture frame. You could have done better. It takes one moment to cool yourself down and clean up the floor but the child can take as long as forever to forget your anger. Instead of reacting with anger, react with empathy. Yelling at them will only destroy their capabilities to become better.

1. Words have Power

We, as adults carelessly say words like, “dumb, lazy, stupid, thoughtless and mean” to children that can stay with them for a lifetime. We forget things but children remember praises and criticism alike. Your kids continue to hear these words in their heads before they start anything. Instead of saying, “You are so lazy. Get up and help me” try saying “You work wonders. Can you help me with this thing?” Instead of tearing them down, you are building them up and the result would surprise you.

2. Your Children need your Time more than Toys

Children are like plants growing in the garden. They need constant attention and love. Modern parents are providing more stuff than our ancestors did but they hardly ever get time to sit and play with them. Every adult needs happy memories of childhood to stay sane and happy towards the end of life.

3. Pointing out Mistakes

Mistakes are part of life – we all make them. Parents often feel the need to rescue children from making mistakes or help them avoid making mistakes. This does not help them – it cripples them for life.

Your children will make mistakes and the way you respond helps your children learn and grow.

4. Always Being There

Your children are growing and learning, they want to experiment and try new things themselves. This gives them a great sense of accomplishment and helps them feel good about themselves. You may feel one way to show your love is doing things for your children. This robs them of the opportunity to learn life skills and the satisfaction of feeling independent. It sends your children the hidden message, “You are not capable.”

5 Set a Bad Example

Some people say fighting in front of the kids have negative consequences. All fights are destructive for the child, even the ones that were in private room but the most destructive part is how you fight and resolve the matter. The best thing you can do for your child is to love his/her wife. You can set a bad example in criticising others, in carelessness with money, unthankfulness, unkindness, laziness, irresponsibility, and more.

6. Expressing Displeasure Regularly

Many people consider their children as a blank canvas where they can paint colour of their choices. When children start behaving against the expectations of parents, chaos takes birth. If a parent regularly expresses dislike and displeasure towards the child, it can destroy the relationship as well as child's outlook of the world.

You can disagree with your child without being rude and opinionated.

7. Showing Distrust in Them

Children are subconsciously always looking for their parent’s approval. When a parent doubts and distrusts the child, it affects them adversely. You have to believe in your child and his/her dreams, goals, and aspirations. When we start punishing them for speaking the truth, they begin to tell lies.

8. Taking Important Decisions about Child’s Life

There comes a point when your child is mature enough to take sensible decisions by himself/herself. When a parent forces his/her decisions believing they know what is best for the child, they destruct child’s self-esteem. It cripples them and makes them dependent lifelong on others to make decisions for them.

9. Demanding Blind Obedience

Some parents believe that their word is the final law, and that equals right. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals but instead as machines that they can dictate and program at will. Their mantra is that kids should obey everything. They want to control the lives of their children. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive.

10. Lack of Appreciation

There are parents who believe that praising the child equal to spoiling the child. On the other hand, children need acceptance and appreciation far more than anyone else does. They are growing individuals learning new lessons every minute of their life and a word of praise can stay for a very long time.

It is important for parents to become exceedingly self-aware of their words and actions when interacting with their children, or with others when their children are nearby.

©Nikita Goel

Photos sourced by the author.

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