I will get you a Condom!

Reading Time: 11

Here’s a fiction by Kumar, where a university student shares his experiences among his group of friends, guzzling beer. An interesting story, full of twists and turns, exclusively in Different Truths.

“I will never make out with a girl at her home.”

Bhai isse chaddh gayi hai…he is talking rubbish. No more beers for him.” Nitin laid down the no beer rule.

At 3 am, on a Friday morning, somewhere between Delhi and Jaipur on the highway, drunk is what a bunch of North Campus gathered together generally are. But I wasn’t high. I was more like dazed by the events of the . Too much checking around the airport area and we came further than usual. But I wanted to get away. The chaos in the city was haunting more than usual and I didn’t know to laugh or to cry. The darkness of the night, Punjabi music and a few bottles of Kingfisher strong always help. The conversation, as usual, revolved around girls, sex and how no one’s getting any. But what got this night going from other ones was my declaration.

Arre Nahin yaar, I’m ! I’ll never do it at a girl’s place. No matter who she is. It’s my…my first commandment of such sex.”

“Ha-ha woohoo Eureka and Edison ran out naked or was it Einstein!” mocked Anmol, reminding me of the incident again that happened with me this afternoon.

“Laugh as much you want but you’ll remember guruji’s discourse one day. Mind it!”

“oohh…Avni must be missing guruji no!”

“I think her mother will miss him more…Kitna sharif ladka tha haha haha,” said Aman, “what say, Ashish?!”

“Hehe! Bhai its better than doing it in our shitholes! I can’t even ask any chick to come to my room. Haven’t cleaned it since I came to Delhi. And Amit’s collection of ‘XXX Palika prasad’, don’t know where to hide it still. On top of that hard floor is unlikely to excite these flashy bitches. Arrey Avni took you home saale. Our dear Nitin would have totally wet his pants had she asked him. I suggest you retake your vows.”

“And I suggest we go back. I am sleepy and it’s almost morning,” I said not wanting to discuss the state of my brain and its decision-making ability in the recent past. No one could ever understand what I was going through. It was traumatic almost. Plans backfire in such a way too! I never can believe it still.

***

Coming from Pradesh to Delhi, it was my first time in a metropolis. I had travelled before but staying here for next three years was going to be new. I was looking forward to my independence. And I liked the whole campus atmosphere during admission time. People were helpful, life was fast and everything was well set. Amongst so many, I hardly felt like an outsider. And a good college always helps back home with family happy and looking forward to sending me away. And oh, yes, the girls! I was certainly looking forward to it. Creating history while studying it. But they all seemed a trifle too sure about themselves. And they made me feel unsure about myself. But as they say, time changes a lot.

Things were getting desperate when one day Amit and I were sitting in canteen after an especially boring Ancient History lecture and Avni walked up to me. We had said hi before but I hadn’t interacted much despite being in the same class. were of her dating someone from her school days. The guy was rich but not too smart. The relationship was on the rocks and she was looking for something more magnetic this time around.

She was one of those usual city girls who attracted attention. She wasn’t particularly beautiful but the finer details made up for immediate realisation of this fact. Golden coloured hair, goggles and extremely well-maintained skin tone. And an attractive body helps…a lot. A Honda city at her disposal and a style to match, it seemed she had it all. Except for someone, she could flaunt. I, on the other hand, a-new-to-city-small-towner, staying in a PG with a family, paying rent and soon realising it wasn’t cheap living in Delhi certainly made me look out for survival options. She seemed to be one amongst many other likely candidates.

It didn’t take me much time to trap in Avni in my inner-circle. One assignment for her and she was in. One day sitting with my gang in the canteen Priya asked me, “Shikhar, how do you manage your food?” “Well I don’t eat breakfast and lunch is usually in the canteen. Dinner at home or sometimes outside…but nothing’s fixed really.”

“You eat your lunch in the canteen? This is so oily and unhygienic! cheeee…” remarked Avni suddenly taking everyone by surprise.

“Eating elsewhere is also not an option. It’s a trifle expensive you know.”

“Arrey doesn’t be bothered, I’ll ask mamma. She’ll send some lunch for you from tomorrow on.” She remarked as everyone smiled funnily at the sudden possessiveness Avni displayed. I just looked at her as she winked.

After that, it became a daily routine for her to bring lunch for me from home. I have to say her mother cooked well. And I didn’t mind her having lunch with me and a few days later, feeding me. The generosity increased gradually as she started helping me out with other things. One day after class she came and said: “Shikhar how far is your place from here?”

“Not much, 20 mins walking.”

“So far! I’ll drop you. Come”

“Thanks, yaar. But I’ll walk down with friends. And not sure if I’ll go home only. Maybe hang around with them somewhere for a while.”

Haan so we can also go somewhere else. You never hang around with me. Am I so bad?”

“No, No, nothing like that…arrey yaar okay I’ll come.” That evening we saw a movie at PVR, ate Chinese at Yo! China and the best part she paid for it all. So even if she wasn’t exactly on my number one list of hot looking girls she was making me dependent on her in other irresistible ways! And I loved it.

In the mornings, she started picking me up for college and we used to go out in the evenings. We even took up the next college team project together. And as the likely events went the best place to work on it turned out to be her home. I became a regular at her place. She introduced me to her family member, more so her mother as her father used to come during weekends. Her mum was a sweet lady. A teacher by profession she used to pamper me when I was there. “Beta you’ve been working for so long!! Eat dinner and then go home!”

“No aunty its ok.”

“Now don’t argue. I’ve made rajma chawal. Nothing too fancy, eat and then go.”

“Arrey, aunty I was saying no so that you ensure I eat and go! I don’t want to miss your food by any chance!”

“Ha-ha! Really. Avni, your friend is such a sweet boy.”

“Yeah, ants in our college always follow him around,” Avni chipped in taking a jibe.

Arrey Aunty she is just jealous of our understanding. She can’t quite accept it.” I took a shot back. Aunty laughed and served us steaming hot food. While eating she suddenly exclaimed, “Shikhar why don’t you stay here. You can stay as a PG (paying guest) in the other room. Avni was telling me you are having some problems with your landlord. You need not bother. Stay here with comfort. Both of you can work together without worrying about going back. Hmmm, what do you think?”

I choked on my food for a second. Then realising both daughter and mother were looking at me keenly I gathered my senses. “Aunty I would love to but you know my friends are living with me and they’ll feel disappointed. If any serious problem occurs, I’ll definitely let you know.” Aunty smiled but Avni seemed angry. I found that out when she cornered me later while dropping me back.

“You told me you would shift the minute you get the chance. Then why did you refuse? You are just fooling around with me, aren’t you? I know your type…,” she hissed.

Not expecting this response, I replied, “No, nothing like that. You are getting me all wrong. I love coming to your house. And aunty is such a sweet lady. But you know…” and I bent down and whispered in her ear, “What’s the use if we stay in two different rooms.”

I took my first chance. She stared at me for a moment then grinned and turned back. She started walking towards the car without replying. Concerned, I shouted. “What happened? I am sorry if I said something wrong.” She opened the door of the car stopped, looked at me and shouted, “You just wait for cowboy, you just wait!” And she laughed. I laughed too as she went home. Grinning wide, I thought “Bull’s eye”.

***

Acha, listen I am coming to pick you up in five minutes.”

“Five minutes! But what happened? There is a lecture in 15 minutes. And I haven’t submitted my presentation on Mayan civilisation yet.”

“No, you have to come. It’s a surprise. And you won’t regret it I .”

Whatever it was I thought it better be worth it.

We reached her home in ten minutes. Time seemed to be passing really quickly. The house lanes behind RK Puram were as usual lacking activity at this time of the noon. But there wasn’t any lack of activity on our front. Avni couldn’t stop smiling the whole time we were driving. I could just imagine what was going through her mind. And I just hoped my instincts were correct. As we reached the front door holding my hands she said, “Close your eyes. I’ve got a surprise for you,” giving me her widest smile till date.

“But what is it?”

“Arrey baba close your eyes na! Too many questions you ask! Now, are you going to do as I say or not?”

“Ok ok…You know I can’t refuse you. Here you go, bas khush…”

As I closed my eyes I heard the lock in the main door turn. The door opened as a wave of air hit me. And it smelled weird. More like something burning. But it wasn’t usual. It had a certain fragrance to it. While I was trying to figure it out, Avni suddenly held my hand and pulled me. “Come inside and keep your eyes closed till I tell you to open.”

I stepped inside wondering when I felt the hot air in the room. Unable to decipher the mystery, I tried to reason when Avni told me to open my eyes. What I saw was truly unexpected. The whole room was full of candles, aromatic candles. They were burning brightly giving essence to the atmosphere. It was slightly heady the sight and the smell. The main hall had been turned into a movie set. The curtains were pulled. There were flowers on the table. With a bottle of wine and two glasses accompanying them. Everything had a golden glow and it seemed like morning sunshine captured in a room not to be let away. I turned to face her. “This is lovely. It’s like the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It is such a nice surprise. But what’s the occasion?” Like I didn’t realise by now!

“We are celebrating our relationship,” she played along.

“We are! Yeah…of course, we are. Oh! Thank you so much for this. I am overwhelmed by this-this thing. But how will we celebrate it if you stand so far away from me.” And I let out my hand. Smiling she held my hand and I pulled her hard and took her into my arms. “I really like you.” With that, I kissed on her lips. “You are the best, Shikhar. This is everything like I imagined it would be. But are you going to keep standing here or move somewhere more comfortable,” Avni whispered in my ear?

“You want the lights on?” I wondered when she said, “I want to see you. Don’t you?”

Once we were on the sofa, there was no stopping. We went for each other like crackers on fire. Off went our clothes and I felt the heat drowning me into ecstasy. She was trying hard to please and I loved it. Suddenly, she placed her hand on my mouth and stopped me. “What happened?” I asked unable to stop myself even for a second. I didn’t want anything to stop our lovefest. “Make us one, she cooed. Oh, God if this was earth, would heaven be any different. But suddenly realising something amiss I stopped and looked at her with concern. “But I don’t have protection.”

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of it.”

They say nothing in the world should make you lose your senses. Oblivious to the world I let my attention wither. That’s when the main door opened and her mother walked in.

“Avni what are you doing?” said her shocked mother. “And who is that? Shikhar…is that you?”

Completely naked and on top of each other in the main hall was not exactly the ideal situation to be answering that question. We both got up trying to find something to cover ourselves with. Frantically searching for something Avni landed herself a sheet and I found my pants lying on the floor somewhere behind the sofa where I had reached by then trying to hide. What would her mother be thinking; yesterday night I was having dinner at their home. She had said that I was such a nice boy. And now I am screwing her daughter in broad daylight. Great just great!

Maa it’s not what it looks like, he’s just a friend,” moaned Avni.

Just a friend! Hello! Hoho! Just a friend, where did it come from? This was becoming weirder by the minute.

“Are both of you done?”

“Maaaaa…”

“Shikhar; did you use a condom?”

My mind was blabbering. Well, hello, I asked her but she only said…what? Wait what did she just say, a condom? C-O-N-D-O-M. The mother said condom. I think I’m losing my hearing sense. My brain can’t function properly.

“Aunty we haven’t done anything! Trust us!” And with that, I exchanged defeated looks with Avni unable to comprehend the whole situation while trying to cover ourselves.

“You haven’t done anything. Great. Just wait here then.” And she turned towards the phone. It looked to us likewise.

“Aunty don’t call the cops. Please…I’m sorry.”

“Maa don’t tell dad…” and Avni started sobbing.

The last thing I wanted in life was my parent to hear that their son is facing rape charges and facing imprisonment under some section of IPC. And due to strong on being caught red-handed, there is no bail either! God!

“Arrey cops, dad…what are you two saying? You two go right ahead. I’m sorry to disturb. It’s just that let me get you condom from my room. You are adults, you can enjoy but can’t be too careless these days.”

“Maa, what are you saying?”

“Haan beta I’m sure dad will have a few left. You two just wait I’ll get them right away!”

“Nooooooo…. Aunty, It’s Ok.”

I looked down and I realised the excitement was gone.

“Aunty…I just got a fright attack in my nervous system leading to numbness in my reproductive system.”

“What gibberish are you talking, sit right here. Don’t move. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

I felt like crying at that time.

She came back faster than a fired bullet.

“Here they are, not fancy dotted or flavoured but effective. Use it.” I remained quiet.

“Why are you looking at them like that Shikhar? You do know how to use them, don’t you! I mean if you don’t I can help…it’s really very simple actually…see like it’s your thumb and…”

The teacher in her took the forefront and that’s when I ran. I grabbed my shirt from the top of a candle. Its sleeve was half burnt but I ran. I ran for my life. This was by far the most embarrassing situation of my life. A wannabe daughter and a weird mother. Somewhere in the background I heard my name being shouted and calls to come back but I didn’t look back. Outside the breath of fresh air seemed like normalcy returning to the world. But it would never be the same for me now. Not after today. People in the streets did look funnily at the sight of a young man running half naked without any shoes on. But for what I know and they didn’t, they would have only sympathised. I stopped only when I reached my house. Running continuously for two km till I landed on my bed and closed the door, the familiar surroundings made the air so much more breathable.

Few hours after the incident I was still dazed. That is when my friends landed like every day and I suggested we go for a drive. I think she called a few times on my mobile but I didn’t pick up. And I decided it’s dangerous territory, a girl’s house that is. They say a man learns by burning his fingers and well they burnt brightly today. Looking back, I won’t say that I will never indulge in guilty pleasures again. That would be punishing myself too hard. But I will never do the same at a woman’s house. This is how I learnt my lessons. I suggest you learn from mine.

©Kumar Gautam

Photos from the internet.

#Fiction #Story #EmbarressingIncident #DifferentTruths

Kumar Gautam

Kumar Gautam

Kumar Gautam writes and creatively executes TV shows. At leisure, he writes and performs poems. He is in the process of debuting as a feature film director.
Kumar Gautam

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