Sugar and Spice but Everything is not so Nice!

Hemashri shares two experiences that speak volumes about the work environment in a government office, in the weekly column, exclusively for Different Truths.

Even retirement age for Supreme Court Judges is 65 years in India.This 70-year-old man retired in 2007 but engaged in a Government agency. He would come and deliver his lecture and give his expert opinion on people. I find the character very interesting as he has a sugar coated tongue.

My “eyes-and-ears-team” comprising four young people reported me that he is very annoyed with me. I write file notes without consulting him. When he sees me walking through the corridor he says, “Our earthquake is coming! See her huge tummy.Why none of you go and say her that she should reduce her tummy.”

Yes, I have a hanging belly due to a syndrome called diastasis recti. This is a syndrome where after pregnancies a woman’s belly sticks out because the space between the left and right belly muscles widen out. This is a common syndrome and about two-thirds of pregnant women endure it in varying degrees. What I found most amusing is that this seventy-year-old man has fine eyesight and has paid generous attention to my belly area carefully covered by my saree. I wear only sarees or salwar suit with dupatta. So this is called body shaming, I realised. It reminded me what a colleague had told me. Her senior male colleague had told that she has very unattractive rickety legs to carry such a huge frame. She told me later see what these men notice about me!

One day, I saw he was not there. So I asked, “Where is the old man?  Oh my God! What happened to him, I am worried after all an old man! He is such a sweet person! I knew my every word will be reported. After sometime when he arrived I told him, “Dada only today I came to know that you are 70-year-old! OMG so sweet that you are coming to an office at this age. Great, great!”

He asked me, “Who told you, who told you that I am 70-year-old.” Pointing to his favourite talking partner, I said, “You were not there and he was talking about you and said that you are so old that …” I did not wait a single second because I was aware what would happen after that!

Sometimes we feel like teasing people back because we are only struggling to be good but it is not yet Mission Accomplished!

We may have 17 lakhs educated unemployed in the state yet a 70-year-old senile man drawing pension manages to get reemployment because of his good network!

***

On this Fool’s Day, I completed three months of a self-imposed ban. I realised I was also one amongst those who would visit office chambers of colleagues and then over a cup of tea would indulge in PCPN (Poro charcha poro ninda, i.e., speaking ill of others, gossiping, better known as bitching). I decided to reform myself and put a total ban on such visits from the New Year’s Day, this year. I completed three months of this ban and feel mildly cured. I shall have to be on strict self-observation to declare myself free from this syndrome.  

I read a book by Robin Sharma that it takes 21 days to install a new habit into our system. Hope I do not relapse again and 90 days should be a good period for initial stabilisation. Something so deeply ingrained into my system – will I be able to recover from this syndrome? I am determined to give a good fight.

I was observing a few persons (both genders) who were been very nice to me on the surface but spoke very rudely about me behind my back! I was trying to understand the psychology behind it. Earlier, I was immature and rebuffed such double standards by telling myself, “Kutta bhowke hazaar, haati jai bazar” (dogs bark a thousand times but the elephant walks calmly to the bazaar). I do not know whether I have a fraction of the cool temperament of an elephant. Now, I am trying to understand what could be the actual reasons, psychological or behavioural for the resentment people may have against me. It challenges me to observe and know. 

I have an interesting story.

There is this senior lady who will be very sweet to me. I came to know from several persons that she says, “Just because she can speak fluent English she thinks too much of herself, blah, blah.”

I started my endeavour to explore. For eight long years, she was the only lady officer of the department and was getting all attention and was vested all authority. A younger woman with a drive to work hard must have created kind of an insecurity in her. So what she says is basically ventilation of the frustration within her. So I decided to be amiable towards her. Only time will say whether I will be able to mellow her!

One thing that made me happy was that she had a compliment for me!

I am still struggling to learn basic English. Till now I have been able to learn only two words of English and I love these two words. They are magical words and can save me from a lot of troubles and can spread happiness in abundance. The one word, which does a lot of damage repairing is “sorry.”  The other word which can immediately make the listener happy is “Thank you.”

©Hemashri Hazarika

Photos from the Internet

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